a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
