Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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