Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
