i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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