I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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