i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
