I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize