I cockslap morals
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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