My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize