Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
