I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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