The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
