So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We named our party play list daddy issues
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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