There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
