The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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