You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
