All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
