apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
