i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
