I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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