I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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