dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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