So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
