Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
