i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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