I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
