Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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