I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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