so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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