i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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