Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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