yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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