Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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