there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
