Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
