when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize