Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
