Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
