I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
