i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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