There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My vagina is very pro this idea
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
