I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
