STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
COCAINE IS GR8
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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