If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
