Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
