Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
