Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
