So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
