Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
