I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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