the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
