I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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