I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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