My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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