So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
