I molested 6 butterflies tonight
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize