You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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