How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
