drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
