The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
