I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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