when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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