Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize