I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize