So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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