it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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