i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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