Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
