the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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