Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
