I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
