i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
