I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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