My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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