Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
