May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize