Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can't turn off my feet"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
