STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
