I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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