I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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