'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
