Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
