Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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