ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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