he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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