i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
