We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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