Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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