Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
