we have pet lesbian snakes
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
