If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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